There is a term we all know, ‘coming out’. It is said it takes courage to ‘come out’ as LGBTI. Being something I have never had to do I can't say I know what courage it does take, but I have no reason to doubt the claim. I know there are things in my own life I have found hard to admit to, and the reason is the fear of rejection.
While we may not give the subject of shame much thought in Western society it is recognised by mental health experts as perhaps the most basic of human emotion. Joseph Burgo, in his article ‘The Difference Between Guilt and Shame’ posted on ‘Psychology Today’ (May 30, 2013) says shame is ‘the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another.’ It should not be confused with guilt, which is ‘a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined’
It has been said in another place that guilt is what I do, shame is what I am. Obviously a sense of guilt can feed into a sense of shame.
Shame is to do with my worth as a human being, with meeting the expectations of others, of being worthy of acceptance. Am I attractive enough, smart enough, talented or whatever. It asks the question what would others think of me if they knew how I felt, what I thought.
So when I talk about shame, the LGBTI community, and ‘coming out’ this is what I mean. Think of the potential social cost involved in coming out LGBTI. They face censure, bullying, condemnation, isolation and more. According to research this community has greater challenges with mental health and higher rates of suicide than the general population. This fact should challenge all of us.
I don’t profess to understand why someone is LGBTI. I know there are those who have felt trapped in the wrong body or felt same sex attraction all their lives. Their stories cannot be simply dismissed as aberrations, perversions, or whatever label one wants to apply. There are those who have an extra male or female chromosome. I do not, cannot, accept the argument that there are ‘cures’. Maybe some can and do change, but not all. There also remains the possibility that among the ‘rehabilitated’ are those that really haven't changed at all. Perhaps they simply hide their true feelings and associated shame under the cover of their new conformity.
At this point it is appropriate to ask a question. If the pain of isolation and rejection, that feeling of shame, leads to self-harm and suicide by LGBTI people, what responsibility is shared by those who shame? As Christians, will not God hold us accountable for our part in that shaming?
‘What does God want of us?’, asked the people of Micah’s day. To which the prophet replied ‘... the LORD has already told you what is good, and this is what he requires: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.’ (Micah 6:8). ‘Stop judging others,’ said Jesus, ‘and you will not be judged. Stop criticizing others, or it will all come back on you. If you forgive others, you will be forgiven’ (Luke 6:37,38).
As Jesus said to Nicodemus ‘For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God did not send his Son into the world to condemn it, but to save it. There is no judgment awaiting those who trust him. But those who do not trust him have already been judged for not believing in the only Son of God.’ (John 3:16-18).
It is not the place of the Church to judge, to condemn, to shame, nor to convict Rather it is to reach out to the shamed, the outcasts, the hurting, and to invite them into that safe place that God intended, the Church. For we have all known shame, rejection and hurt. If we have truly found healing in Jesus then we must invite others into that experience, for love alone is the power of the Gospel.
Bible Quoted: NLT
No comments:
Post a Comment