Not Another Love Child!

When we think of the Stolen Generation our minds turn to those indigenous Australians taken from their families to be raised by good white folk. But they are not the only ones stolen. We know the stories of those white babies, snatched from their single mothers at birth ’in their best interest’. This was not a uniquely Australian practice. Between the 1920s to 1970s over 130,000 children were shipped from England to Australia to give them a ‘better life’. Many of these were born to single mothers and many experienced abuse, hard labour and servitude in their ‘land of hope’. Black or white, many of these children continue to live with the pain of separation from their families and the treatment they received.

Diana Ross and the Supremes have always been one of my favourite female groups - I know I’m showing my age now. In 1968 they released their hit 'Love Child' controversial at the time because it spoke of the shame felt by child born to a single mother.

It’s almost fifty years since that song was released. Now we try to work with troubled families in an effort to maintain family connections. Our attitudes to First Australians have changed to a large extent, and there is not the stigma attached to children born out of wedlock. I see this as positive, yet I fear we are in danger of continuing the cruelty of stigmatising another generation of children.

Members of the LGBTI community know what it means to be stigmatised, shamed and outed. They didn’t want a plebiscite because they feared not only for themselves but for their children. I believe those concerns were justified.

The question we will be asked to answer in the upcoming plebiscite is simple: ‘Do you believe that two people of the same sex should be able to marry?’ Nothing more, nothing less. Yet opponents express concerns for the children of these relationships. Rationally, this has nothing to do with the question.

Same-sex relationships are already legally recognised. Same-sex families already include children. Some are the children of previous straight relationships where parenting may be shared between both parents as is the case with many other relationships. Others are conceived with the aid of donor sperm or eggs and some through surrogacy arrangements. This is not limited to the gay community so it is not relevant to the discussion.

Regardless of what we think about gay marriage our number one priority should be the children. When we use them to confuse the marriage question what message are we giving to the children? When we question the legitimacy of their families, suggesting they are illegitimate, inadequate, provide an unsuitable environment are we not in some way implying the children are inadequate, illegitimate, should not exist? When we stigmatise their parents don’t we by extension stigmatise them?

Their children will listen, and so will ours. Our attitudes will be picked up by their children and ours. And if there's one place where shaming and outing takes place it's the playground. Our attitudes will be reinforced by our children. There is, I believe, a very real risk that this debate will simply produce another generation of traumatised, confused children.

You may argue that their parents’ relationship will cause trauma and confusion regardless. If you believe that then surely you have a greater responsibility to consider the welfare of the children above all else.

Remember the saying, ‘It takes a village to raise a child’. No family is perfect. No family alone can give their children all they need.We all need the support of the wider community to raise our kids. So please, in this debate, consider the children first and foremost.