‘Why ask’ you may say? It is, after all, pretty obvious, especially from a Christian perspective, isn't it? An exclusive one man, one woman relationship for life, nothing more, nothing less. Clearly there is no room in that for same sex marriage so what is there to debate? So why does the campaign for marriage equality challenge my thinking as it does? Why can't I simply say ‘No, it's not on’ and leave it at that.
Let's start with what, at least so far as I am concerned, marriage isn't. First, it is not a piece of paper with the title ‘Marriage Certificate’. Neither is it participation in a ceremony, whether in a Church, Registry Office or any other place. All such legislative tools, ceremonies, rules and rituals are nothing more than culturally derived, used to establish and define a marriage contract. Neither is it cohabitation in the absence of any such culturally derived expectations.
While all of these may be part of what it means to be married I believe marriage is first and foremost the commitment of two people to cling together through all that life throws at them. It is expressed in those traditional vows to love and to cherish, through sickness and health, till death do us part.
Christian marriage as I understand it is built on mutual submission. Based on respect for each other both partners commit to the welfare of the other, making their partner's well being rather than their own their main priority. Legal, cultural, religious or other norms and expectations are of secondary importance. Without the commitment, respect, mutual submission and care, marriage is relegated to a form, conformity to a social expectation, a status symbol, or a relationship of convenience.
There are some who argue the Bible doesn't prohibit same sex marriage while others vehemently declare it an abominable sin. I do not intend to pursue these claims here, other than to acknowledge I take a conservative view of marriage. Having said that, I believe that in the Bible God establishes principles for our benefit. If that is so then Christians should be able to present a well-reasoned, logical argument in support of those principles without appealing to the ‘God said and that's the end of the argument’ defence. That will never convince reasonably intelligent, questioning people.
At this point it may be helpful if I share my understanding of what sin is. Simply put, it is failing to love as God loves. The Bible says ‘God is love’ and that we were made in His image and likeness. Sin has corrupted that image, that likeness and that is where we are now. All those rules about not killing, stealing, marital unfaithfulness and the like simply help us understand we are sinners. We can keep the rules, but keeping the rules, at least as seen by others, does not necessarily mean we love others. Love is of the heart, not conformity to a list of ‘do’s’ and ‘don'ts’.
How much human misery has resulted from murder, incest, marital betrayal, theft, lies and more. The list of victims is endless. The list includes battered spouses, unwanted and abandoned children, deserted wives or husbands and more, all victims of ‘legal’ marriage.
This is what challenges me the most about the same-sex marriage debate. Now I know that same-sex relationships can be marred by the same ugliness as seen in far too many ‘straight’ relationships, including marriage. However, when a same-sex relationship is entered into willingly by both partners who unreservedly commit to ‘have and to hold’ through all that life throws at them, to mutual respect and to put the needs of the partner above that of self, that relationship is far closer to what I see as the ‘Christian ideal’ than many marriages accepted as being Christian, or legally legitimate. A mutually exclusive gay relationship as described above, if a sin,appears to me as victimless sin. And, if that is the case then, on the long list of sins, it must be rare, if not unique.
From a Biblical perspective we were made to live in relationships. Did not God say, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him’ (Gen. 2:18)?
It was for this reason God made woman, but male and female were also essential if God's command to ‘Multiply and fill the earth …’ was to be carried out (Gen. 1:28). This need for companionship is hardwired into our very core. So is this to be denied those who can't find that need fulfilled with someone of the opposite gender?
I do not profess to have all the answers. However, while I see some Christians all too willing to consign homosexuals - and all other so-called sexual deviants - to hell, and others mouthing platitudes about loving the sinner but hating the sin, I see little, if any, discussion on how Christians can actually show that love. I know if I were gay I would find most Church groups to be very confronting and not the sort of place I would like to hang out.
As I said above, I do hold to the conservative Christian view of marriage. That does not make me run from the questions I ask above. I do believe that for the Christian there is a defence of the historical position. In later posts I plan to outline what I see as that defence as well as present some of my ideas on how the Church might become more ‘user friendly’ to those whose sexuality does not ‘conform’ to what is seen as the norm.
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